The Stuff they Don't Show you
by Closet-Monster
Summary: Things you'll never hear or see from the Trigun cast! They'll make you laugh, cry, and scare the hell out of you! XD R'n'R!
1. First Hand Randomness

A/N: Hello! ^^ First chapter's gonna be some random lines and scenes you definitely won't see in the series! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own trigun. Do you? Does someone you know do? Could you ask them to send it to me in the mail? Oh, you don't? That sucks. Now I'm sad. You know what would make me feel better? If you reviewed. Now read. Be happy. ^^ Happy is good.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*First Hand Randomness*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Knives is walking happily through the SEEDS ship when he comes to the dining and runs into a table. This unfortunately stubs his toe.  
  
He looks at it in horror. "Did you just bump me!? Did you ACTUALLY JUST BUMP ME!? Oh, there's so much pain in my toooeee!" He kicks it in anger, managing to injure himself again. "Did you just bump me AGAIN!?" *throws at wall, smashing it*  
  
He starts walking away, but steps on a sharp piece of wood. "Gyah! DIIIEEEE!" He shoots the remains of the table. He stares warily at a particulary menacing chunk. "What!?" *stare* "Are you gonna bump me again!? Are you actually going to bump be AGAIN!? AHHHH!" He starts shooting the rest of the table, continuing on until Legato finds him and takes away his gun.  
  
"Master, what were you doing!?"  
  
*sniffle* "It...it...it bumped me Li-ga-toe! It BUMPED me! I didn't think it was actually gonna do it, but it diiiiiiiid!"  
  
"Ah geez..."  
  
"WAAAAH!" The Plant clutches his foot and cries for the remainder of the day.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Wolfwood: *sitting in a non-smoking section of a restaurant* "Hmm? Oh, no thanks. I don't drink."  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Midvalley: "Hey guys! This one time at band camp-"  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Legato: "Eww...hotdogs."  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Vash is in the middle of a bar fight. He looks up at the ceiling and squints drunkenly at a vision of Rem.  
  
Rem: "Vash, this is not love and peace."  
  
"Who ar youuuuuuu?" He slurs.  
  
Rem: "This is your mother! Now restore love and peace in there right now before I do! Don't MAKE me come down there!"  
  
"Whaaaaa?"  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
"Owww, wha you do tha for?"  
  
Rem: "Because you're not doing LOVE AND PEACE!"  
  
He pulls out his gun and shoots her. She falls from the rafters. "Err...I didin do nuffin!" He runs out of the building.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Knives: "Haha. Spiders are so cool."  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Vash: *throws bakery bag across the room* "Donuts suck!"  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Wolfwood: "Oh God! Not more CHILDREN!"  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Knives: "This world is made of-"  
  
Gung-ho Guns: "-love and peace!"  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Vash: "Wow, that's a lot of paper work."  
  
Meryl: "Yeah. It's driving me crazy."  
  
"...you should kill yourself."  
  
"...what?"  
  
"Suicide is the only answer!"  
  
"Vash, are you feeling okay?"  
  
"Embrace death!"  
  
"Stop it Vash, you're scaring me!"  
  
"BWA HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Meryl picks up her typewriter and smacks it over his head. "You've been hanging out with Legato again, haven't you?"  
  
*coughcough* "...eternal pain and suffering."  
  
"I knew it." She hits him again before going back to work.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Knives: *pointing gun at someone's head* "Should I...should I shoot him Rem? Rem, help me!"  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Vash trudges up the cliff, where he knew Legato would be waiting. After a couple of minutes of arguing about whether or not he should shoot him, some possessed villagers throw the insurance girls to the ground.  
  
Millie: "WAAAH! Help us Mr. Vash!"  
  
Vash: "Legato, don't do this!"  
  
A gun shot is heard in the background. *GASP!* Vash whips around and sees Meryl's been shot.  
  
Legato: "What are you doing idiots!? You're not supposed to shoot them yet!"  
  
Random Villager: "Oh, sorry boss! Thought we had to kill 'em!"  
  
The gung-ho gun smacks himself in the forehead.  
  
Vash: "You bastard!" He shoots at Legato, but hits his belt and makes his pants fall down. He reads the boxers in horror. "I...heart...psychos? Aw, nasty!"  
  
"No, no! It's not what you think!"  
  
"Dirty! DIIIRTTYYY!" He chases him down, gun in hand, screaming at him to stay away from his brother.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Knives is standing near Vash, pointing the two angel arms at him. Instead of gathering energy to shoot with, though, they start flapping like wings. Feathers fly as the massive weapons lift the Plant from the ground.  
  
"What!? What the hell's going on!?"  
  
"Haha!" Vash points and laughs. "You're like a little birdie!"  
  
"It's not funny!"  
  
"Caw caw, caw caw!"  
  
"Help meeee!" Knives screams before flying off.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Meryl walks up to everybody. "Hello! Everything is beautiful! HAHAHAHA!"  
  
Vash nudges Millie. "Hey, what's wrong with Meryl?"  
  
^^ "Ohh, her PMS finally stopped!"  
  
"What do you mean? She's had her period all this time!?"  
  
^^ "Yep!"  
  
"Geeeez, it took long enough."  
  
"Oh, don't worry Mr. Vash! She'll be her old self again in a few hours!"  
  
"A few HOURS!?"  
  
^^ "Of course!"  
  
"But, but..." He starts crying "That's just not faaiiirrrr!"  
  
"And it'll last another twenty years!"  
  
"NooOOOoooOOOooOOO!"  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Knives prances through a meadow of flowers wearing the MSN butterfly wings.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Millie is sitting at the table, staring at a cup of puding. She crosses her arms.  
  
"No sir! I won't do anything of the sort!"  
  
Pudding: ............  
  
"I said no!"  
  
.....  
  
"For the last time, NO pudding!"  
  
*silence*  
  
"Fine! I'm not talking to you anymore!" She turns her back to the food.  
  
...... .  
  
"...what?"  
  
.. .... .....  
  
"Oh, really!?"  
  
...  
  
^^ "I love you pudding!" She grabs the snack and shoves it in her mouth, plastic and all.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
*Everyone's watching Trigun.*  
  
"Vash...you're an idiot."  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Pudding!"  
  
"Anyone got a smoke? This episode sucks."  
  
"No! We're watching my show goddamnit!"  
  
*silence*  
  
"Oh man, that's so fake."  
  
"Hey, I actually got shot."  
  
"Look at that crap. The blood...it's just so fake!"  
  
"That's real blood!"  
  
"Oh...well nice acting."  
  
"I'm not acting! That actually happened!"  
  
"You're telling me Knives actually shot your arm off?"  
  
"Stop referring to yourself in the third person! And yes, you DID shoot it off!"  
  
"Oh...must've slipped my mind."  
  
"WHAT!? How can you even REMOTELY forget about something like that!?"  
  
"Hey, it happens."  
  
"No it doesn't, you're a plant!"  
  
"No, it does. Like this one time I forgot that I killed everyone on our old SEEDS ship."  
  
"...WHAT?"  
  
"Yeah!" *laughing* "I totally didn't remember blowing up that whore Rem! Isn't that hilarious!?"  
  
"Son of a bitch!" Vash tackles his brother off the couch and beats the living shit out of him.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Vash and Wolfwood are trying on the insurance girls' clothes.  
  
Wolfwood: *looking in mirror* "Does this make my ass look big?"  
  
Vash: "Naw man."  
  
He smoothes out the yellow coat. "Are you sure it doesn't make me look fa-" He sees Vash behind him in the mirror. "Oh God, what are you doing?"  
  
The outlaw has Meryl's dress on upside down. His legs are sticking out of the sleeves. He holds up the bottom part, confused. "What do i do with this?"  
  
"No, no! You've got it all wrong!"  
  
"I think it's a little short..." He bends over and peers between his legs. "Hey, what's this hole for?"  
  
"That's where you head goes! You've got it backwards needle-noggin!"  
  
O.O "My head? ...how strange. But I guess it makes sense." He starts unzipping his pants.  
  
"Gyah! Not that one!"  
  
"...oh." He zips it back up.  
  
"And yeah, I think it's a little small for you."  
  
Vash grabs the white cape that goes with the outfit. "How does this one go on?"  
  
"Don't even try it."  
  
He fumbles around with it for a minute and gives up. "Well, I wanna see how I look. Move." He starts walking towards the mirror. *RIIIIIIIIIIP!* "Oh shit!"  
  
"Aw man, you just tore it in half! Meryl's gonna kill you!"  
  
"No! I don't wanna die! I'm still too young!"  
  
"What!? You're like a hundred thirty years old!"  
  
"Help me Nicky!"  
  
"Nicky!?"  
  
"What do I dooo!?"  
  
"Ruun!"  
  
"WAAAHHH!" The gunman jumps out of the two-story window.  
  
"...dumbass."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: That's it for now! Hoped you liked it! ^^  
  
Umm, some stuff doesn't belong to me besides Trigun. Like the band camp thing. So yeah. You want the specifics? I know you don't. If by chance you do, ask. There. Now I won't be sued. This'll be the case for the rest of the chapters, too.  
  
^^ REVIEW! ^^ 


	2. An Angry Millie and Dancing

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! ^^ I love 'em! They make me haapppppyyyyy!! *looks around* ...anyway, here's some more stuff you haven't seen before! One of 'em's kinda long, so that's why there's only two! XD Review!  
  
Disclaimer: *chanting* IownTrigunIownTrigunIownTrigunIownTrigun. *opens eyes* DAMNIT! ^^;; Eh-heh. Still don't own Trigun.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*An Angry Millie and Dancing*~*~*~*~*~  
  
(This one's from Nancy Tran! I added a bunch of stuff, but the idea's hers! ^^ Thanks Nancy!)  
  
Millie-was-PISSED. Her beloved pudding had gone missing that afternoon and she suspected one of her comrades had taken it. They tried to trick by planting chocolate on Kuroneko's face, but she knew better! Did they think she was stupid or something!? Little big sister had always said she was super smart and she was gonna show them how!  
  
Stomping her way over to the living room, she takes out her stun-gun and waves it wildly in the air. "I know you're in there!" She kicks open the door and shoots a hole in the ceiling. "Hello jackasses!"  
  
"Ah!" Vash shrieks. "Angry Millie!"  
  
Meryl looks up from her typewriter casually. "Millie, are you feeling okay?"  
  
"Of course I am dumbass!" *stares at everyone* "What are you bitches lookin' at!?"  
  
Wolfwood crawls out from his hiding spot behind the couch. "What's the matter big girl?"  
  
"You know what's the matter!"  
  
"Noo..."  
  
"Don't play dumb with ME asshole!"  
  
Meryl raises an eyebrow. "Millie, what are you talking about?"  
  
"You stole my pudding!!"  
  
"No we didn't!" Vash cries.  
  
"Don't lie! Lying's a sin you little bastard!" She shoots her gun again.  
  
"Whoa! Babe, you're not acting like yourself!"  
  
"What was that!?" She walks over to Wolfwood and picks him up by the collar. "ARE YOU MOCKIN' ME CHURCHBOY!?"  
  
"AH! SOMEONE HELP ME!"  
  
"...." Vash and Meryl run away.  
  
"HEY!" The priest screams as Millie drags him out the door. "DON'T LEAVE ME WITH HER! NOOO!!"  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Vash, Wolfwood, and the insurance girls are out at a restaurant. In the middle of dinner, a waiter comes over and tells them about their new dance floor.  
  
Vash: "...is it free?"  
  
Wolfwood: *elbows him*  
  
Vash: "Hey, what was that for?"  
  
Wolfwood: *whispering* "This is the perfect opportunity to score some brownie points with the ladies."  
  
Vash: "What the hell's a brownie point?"  
  
"Trust me, they're a good thing. Get enough and you might get laid."  
  
"SCORE!"  
  
"Shh! Now go ask Meryl to dance with you."  
  
*whining* "Why do I have to dance wth Meryl?"  
  
"Because you two are a couple!"  
  
"...oh yeah." He looks over at the short woman. "Hey, uh, Meryl?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I was just wondering if you, um, wannakindasortamaybe, uh..." He leans over to Wolfwood. "What should I say?"  
  
*sigh* "Just watch me." He puts on a smile and extends his hand over to Millie. "Hey. Wanna dance Big Girl?"  
  
^^ "Of course Mr. Wolfwood!" They stand up and walk over to the dance floor. He winks back at Vash.  
  
'Here goes nothin'...' He opens his mouth to ask Meryl if she wants to go too, but she grabs his arm first.   
  
"Come on, let's dance." She drags him over to the dance floor, where a few other couples were waiting for the music to start.  
  
A slow tune comes on. Everybody grabs their partner.   
  
'Damn,' Vash thinks. 'I knew I should've paid more attention to those dancing lessons on the SEEDS ship.'   
  
He nudges Wolfwood when he gets close enough. "Hey, how do you dance?"  
  
"WHAT!? ...I mean, what? You don't know how to DANCE?"  
  
He shakes his head.  
  
"That's pathetic man. Watch and learn." He sways to the side; Millie sways to the side. He wraps his arm around her and unravels it, spinning her around.  
  
'Alright, let's see...' Vash grabs one of Meryl's hands awkwardly. 'Now where do I put my other hand?' He looks around and shrugs. He slides his hand down her back and grabs her ass.  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
"Ow!" He rubs his cheek. "Sorry Meryl!"  
  
She turns red. "Damn right you're sorry!"  
  
He blushes. "Well, the truth is, I don't really know how to do this kind of stuff..."  
  
Her face brightens a little. "Oh. Well, just follow me." She puts his hand around her waist and shuffles forward. He nearly falls down.  
  
"Ah! What are you doing!?"  
  
"You have to move your feet stupid."  
  
"Oh." She moves again; he moves with her.  
  
"Hey, I think I'm startin' to get the hang of this!"  
  
"Just shut-up and dance." They move around a little more before Millie and Wolfwood make their way over to them.  
  
Wolfwood whispers over to his friend. "What are you doin' needle-noggin!?"  
  
^^ "I'm dancing."  
  
"No no, you've got it all wrong!"  
  
"...I do?"  
  
"You're supposed to be leading, dummy!"  
  
"...oh." He turns back to his date. "Hey, Meryl? Why are you leading?"  
  
"Because you don't know how to dance."  
  
"But all the OTHER gunmen are leading!" He whines.  
  
"I don't care what the other gunmen are doing. YOU'RE not leading."  
  
"But Meryylllll!"  
  
The song suddenly changes.  
  
*DA DADAADAA DADA*  
  
'The tango!? Ohh, how the hell am I gonna pull this one off!?' He glances over at Wolfwood helplessly.  
  
"You're hopeless Vash!" The priest pulls two roses out of his pocket and tosses one over to him. He puts the other one in his mouth and takes up Millie's hands.  
  
^^ "Oh Nicky! You're so romantic!"  
  
"Anything for you babe." A thorn cuts his lip.  
  
'Damn!' He sucks on it. 'The things I do for love...'  
  
'Haha.' Vash thinks to him. 'You mean ass, right?'  
  
'Hey! Didn't I tell you to stay out of there!?'  
  
'Oh, I'm sorry...NICKY!'  
  
'Shut-up!' He gives him a death galre.  
  
'Pttbbhhhh!'  
  
Meryl grabs the rose out of his hand.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Well, it didn't look like you were gonna start anytime soon." She puts it in her mouth and grabs his hands. "Now walk with me."  
  
*DA DADAADAA DADA*   
  
Meryl dips him.  
  
*gigglegiggle*  
  
'Oh God, this is embarassing..' He looks over at Wolfwood and Millie. 'Now why does HE get it so easy?'  
  
The music changes again, this time to a lively tune.  
  
Vash looks at Meryl with puppy eyes.  
  
She sighs and tosses the rose behind her back. "Fine. You can be in charge this time."  
  
^^ "Yay!" He looks at his friends, who were swing dancin'. The bigger insurance girl was spinning Wolfwood around her shoulders.  
  
'This could be fun...' He picks up Meryl.  
  
"Gyah! Do you know what you're doing Vash!?"  
  
^^ "Of couse, Meryl!" He puts her on his shoulders, trying to imitate Millie. Instead of spinning her around, though, he spins himself around.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!"  
  
^^ "What's the matter Meryl?"  
  
"PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!"  
  
He stops spinning and bends over so she can climb off.  
  
"Don't you ever do that again!"  
  
^^ "Hey, you're hair's messed up."  
  
"Grrr..."  
  
Vash looks around and sees a man sliding his date under his legs and pulling her back up.  
  
"Hey, let's do THAT!"  
  
"No, I don't-" He grabs her arms before she can finish and lifts her up.  
  
"VAAASH!!"  
  
He swings her under his legs, but forgets to pull her back up and let's go.  
  
"AHHH!!" She slides across the floor on her back. "YOU MOTHER FU-" She slams into Millie and Wolfwood, knocking them down.  
  
O.O "Oops."  
  
Merly claws her way out of the pile and points an accusing finger at Vash. "YOOUU!!"  
  
"Gyah! Don't hurt me!"  
  
"I'm going to KILL you!"  
  
"Stay back!" He slaps at her before running away.  
  
"ROAARRRR!!!" She chases after him. "GET BACK HERE!"  
  
Millie and Wolfwood just stare.  
  
"...so."  
  
"So..."  
  
"...you wanna go eat some sandwiches?"  
  
^^ "Oh yeah!" They stand up together and walk out of the building.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Poor Vash! Lucky Wolfwood! ^^ Hope you liked it! And sorry all you Zazie fans! I'll do one with him in it next time! XD Review! 


	3. Poor Little Beast

A/N: Sorry for the EXTREMELY slow update, but I've been workin' on another thing lately (even though it's stupid, I needed to try something new). Plus, the whole I-don't-have-a-brain thing…well, it's been workin' against me. ^^;; Eh-heh. *dodges banana* O.O That was a new one.  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Trigun, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. I'd just make it part of the show. XD Oh yeah. That'd be sweet.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Poor Little Beast*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'He cheated. He had to cheat. There's no way he could've won that bet without cheating. I'm gonna KILL that cheater!'  
  
^^ "Now, now. Don't fret my little beastling."  
  
'I'm gonna kill him. I swear to God I'm gonna kill that cheating bastard.'  
  
^^ "Alright, it's time to go make some new friends little beastling."  
  
"MY NAME IS NOT LITTLE BEASTLING YOU STUPID FU-"  
  
"Whoa, hey! Watch your language little boy! You can't be sayin' stuff like that in front of the ladies!"  
  
"What ladies!?"  
  
"Dominique for one."  
  
"She's not a lady! She's a BITCH!"  
  
*SLAP*  
  
"Hey, I saw that Dominique!"  
  
*snicker*  
  
"Time to go little beastling."  
  
"Midvalley, if you don't stop calling me that…"  
  
^^ "Haha. Luckily for me, we have a contract to uphold."  
  
"You wrote it down!?"  
  
"Hell yeah! I couldn't let a great opportunity like this escape!"  
  
"ARGH! YOU CHEATED GODDAMNIT!!"  
  
"Watch your language Zazie!"  
  
"Make me!"  
  
"Do I have to spank you!?"  
  
"Oh please…"  
  
"Don't you use that tone with ME young man!"  
  
"Can we just get this over with already?"  
  
^^ "I thought you'd never ask."  
  
And with that, Zazie the Beast was led away from the SEEDS ship to a nearby city wearing an adorable little kitty costume. That's right. A fuzzy brown outfit complete with tails, ears, whiskers, and a painted on nose.  
  
…how awfully cute.  
  
And all because he made a bet with Midvalley that he, the terrifying….BEAST…could scare the living day-lights out of Legato. And God knows he could've easily done it.  
  
You see, Legato's the kind that, well, society likes to call CHICKENSHIT. So really, anybody could've scared the SHIT out of him because he's a CHICKEN. Hence the name, CHICKENSHIT.  
  
But you have to realize, every chickenshit has their BITCH. A bitch is a slave. Someone who's willing to do anything and everything in their power to please you. Legato Bluesummer's bitch, coincidentally, is Midvalley the Hornfreak.   
  
So Midvalley, when coming face to face with this situation, does what he thinks is right as a BITCH and warns his CHICKENSHIT of the sneaking BEAST, who, at that moment, was trying to scare the SHIT out of him.  
  
So, no matter where the BEAST was hiding in wait for the CHICKENSHIT to walk by so he could scare him, the chickenshit knew where he was at and never showed any reaction towards him that could be considered frightened.  
  
…confused?  
  
I know I am.. ^^  
  
ANYWAY, Zazie lost the bet and now Midvalley could do whatever he wanted to him for the entire day. Poor, poor little Zazie.  
  
"Alright, you wait right here until I get back. Understand?"  
  
"Pfft. I understand you're a jackass."  
  
"Ahem! I can't hear you."  
  
"I said yeah. You can go now. …mother fu-"  
  
"Language!" ^^ "Bye little beastling. I'll be here to pick you up later."  
  
"You better."  
  
"Hmmm. On second thought, no, no I won't. But if I see you at the house before seven, you're gonna be REALLY sorry you lost that bet."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Have fun beastling!"   
  
"…son of a bitch."  
  
^^ "Bye!"  
  
'Great, now I get to sit out here all day wearing this stupid-ass costume. At least I don't have to stick around the Hornfreak anymore. …heheheh. Hornfreak.'  
  
***10 MINUTES LATER***  
  
"Aww, how CUTE!"  
  
"Let me pet him!"  
  
"No, it's my turn!"  
  
"I wanna hug 'em when you're done!"  
  
"Who's is he anyway?"  
  
"Who CARES? We get to PLAY with him!  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
'I think I'm gonna be sick…'  
  
A crowd of teenage girls…and some boys (o.O )…have swarmed around the "little beastling" to take a look. Or a hug, or a glomp. At this point, it really didn't matter to Zazie. He was scarred beyond repair.  
  
"Oh, oh! Do that thing!"  
  
"Yeah, do it!"  
  
^^ "Do it!"  
  
'Oh God…' He lifts up his hand and claws at the air, managing, "Fear me, fear me. I'm the Beast. …rar."  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"Isn't that great!?"  
  
"I think I'm gonna DIE!"  
  
"He's so adorable!"  
  
*squeal*  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
"AAAHHHHHH!!!"   
  
"What?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Why's he screaming?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Maybe we should poke 'em with a stick."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME PSYCCHHOOOSSSSSSS!!!!"  
  
*runs away*  
  
"Well, that was strange."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"We should go find another kitty."  
  
^^ "Oh, yay!"  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
^^ "Sweet!"  
  
^^ "Let's go!"  
  
***5 MINUTES LATER***  
  
'I don't think…I've ever…ran as fast…as that…in my…entire…life.' He falls carelessly on the bed. 'I just hope he doesn't find me in here.'  
  
"Oh beastlliiinnngggg!!"  
  
"SHIT!!"  
  
"I know you're in here beastling! Did everything go smoothly!? Did you make any friends!?"  
  
'Shit, shit, shit! I gotta hide!'  
  
"Beastling?"  
  
'GYAH!!' He dives under the bed.  
  
"Beastling, are you in here?"  
  
*silence*  
  
"Hmm?" He steps forward, scanning the room. "Come out, come out, wherever you arrreeee." He stops. There was a tail sticking out from under the bed.   
  
'Go away, go away…'  
  
"AH-HA!!" He rips off the covers.  
  
"JESUS CHRIST MIDVALLEY!!" He flies out of his hiding spot.   
  
"Aww, did I scare wittle beastwing?"  
  
"…what are you gonna do to me?"  
  
"Ohh, the floor's gotten you all dirty."  
  
"Oh no…"  
  
"You need a BATH!!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
"Come along, little beastling."   
  
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!"  
  
"Oh really?" He picks him up by the back of his shirt and carries him out of the room like a suitcase.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!!!!"  
  
"Now, now, don't be a brat little beastling. You're filthy and you need a bath."  
  
"NOOOOO!! LEMME GO! LEMME GOOOO!!!!!"  
  
"BWA HAHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"  
  
And with THAT, ladies and gentleman, Zazie the Beast was doomed to endure the king of all baths. Poor, poor little Beast.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: O.O *blink* Oh my. What have I done to Zazie.  
  
Zazie: *mumbling obscenities*  
  
What was that little beastling?  
  
Zazie: Nothing evil authoress lady.  
  
^^ That's what I thought.  
  
XD PLEASE REVIEW!!!! XD 


	4. Psychos on Crack

A/N: This is what happens when Knives gets stoned/high/I can't really tell, he's freakin' me out. O.O He…well, he sings. ^^;; I didn't do it, I swear!  
  
Um, don't worry J-Nettie Spaghetti, I didn't steal any of your lines, although I did use some of the original song lines. They're the author of Donuts are Back, where Vash sings a parody of Baby Got Back. Knives sings in this one. But, ya know, her's is a lot better, so go read it! XD  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, any type of drugs, or Sir-Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back. …I love that song!!  
  
Thanks all you reviewers! *happiness*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Psychos on Crack*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Midvalley: Oh my God Legato, look at his face.  
  
Legato: It's so bright.  
  
Midvalley: He looks like one of those high stoner guys.  
  
Legato: Who understands those stoner guys?  
  
Midvalley: We only serve him because he acts like a total psycho. I mean, his face.  
  
Legato: It's just so happy.  
  
Midvalley: I can't believe it's so nice.  
  
Legato: It's just so high.  
  
Midvalley: I mean, it's weird.  
  
Legato: Look, he's just on…crack!  
  
(music starts)  
  
Knives: I hate spiders and I cannot lie!  
  
You other killahs ought a try!  
  
When a human walks by in your itty-bitty space  
  
And gets up in your face  
  
You get pissed.  
  
Wanna pull out a gun  
  
Cuz' shootin's really fun.  
  
Deep in the pants I'm wearin',  
  
It's stuck and I can't stop swearin'.  
  
Oh scumbag, I wanna kill ya,  
  
And take a pictah,  
  
My minions tried to warn me   
  
But with that stash Rem got  
  
Makes me so horny!  
  
Gung-Ho Guns: O.O;;  
  
Ooh, killin's a sin,  
  
Only doin' it for my kin,  
  
So you better not use me you son of a bitch or else I'll lose my energy and DIE!! (he points menacingly at the gung-ho guns) You hear me! (he runs around the stage, dragging the microphone behind him) SAVE THE PLANTS!!! (at this point he sees the stand trailing behind him and tries to pry the microphone away from it) Get off you bastard! (He kicks it free, hitting Legato in the face)  
  
*clears throat*  
  
I've seen them dancin',  
  
The hell with romancin'!  
  
I wanna 'em dead, red, gonna put a bullet in your head!  
  
*makes gun with fingers*  
  
I'm tired of Dominique,  
  
Sayin' speed's the only thing,  
  
Take the average bad plant and ask 'em that  
  
*points to self*  
  
Baby gotta pack much crack.  
  
Gung-Ho Guns: *sweatdrop*  
  
Soooo… (looks around until he spots Legato) BITCH!!  
  
Legato: *sigh* Yes?  
  
Bitches!  
  
Gung-Ho Guns: Yeah!?  
  
Has your mastah got the stuff!?  
  
Gung-ho Guns: Um, maybe!?  
  
Well tell 'em to make it!  
  
Gung-ho Guns: Make it!?  
  
Make it!  
  
Gung-Ho Guns: Make it!  
  
Make those super guns!  
  
Psychos on crack!  
  
*dances around*  
  
Psychos on crack!  
  
*dances around some more*  
  
I like to pound, and kick,  
  
And I sometimes even lick,  
  
I just can't help myself,  
  
I'm actin' like an animal,  
  
Now here's my scandal.  
  
I wanna get you home,  
  
And POW, double ow, POW POW!  
  
Play with 'em like toys,  
  
Till I find out they're just decoys.  
  
*shakes head*  
  
That ain't cool man.  
  
Leonoff: *snickers*  
  
I wanna real thick and juicy,  
  
So find that human bubble,  
  
Million's in trouble,  
  
Beggin' to make some rubble.  
  
So I'm lookin' at cop videos,  
  
Knockin' these bad guys, whack criminals,  
  
You can keep them bimbos,  
  
I'll keep me minions like so-so.  
  
A word to the crack lord dealahs,  
  
I wanna get with ya,  
  
I might cuss or hit ya,  
  
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna snort,  
  
*snorting noises*  
  
Till the break of dawn.  
  
They got it goin' on,  
  
I know Vash won't like this song,  
  
Cuz' that puss wants to hit it and quit it,  
  
But I'd rather slay all day.  
  
Cuz' I'm strong, my head's wrong,  
  
And I'm bound to get the friction on!  
  
*winks at Legato*  
  
Legato: *shudders*  
  
So Leggy! (ew!) Leggy! (ew!)  
  
Mind if I call you Peggy!? (go away!)  
  
Then turn around,  
  
Stick it out,  
  
Even Kaite boy has to shout,  
  
Psychos on crack!  
  
Legato: *runs away screaming from being asked to 'stick it out'*  
  
Psychos on crack!  
  
*dances around*  
  
Yeah baby,  
  
When it comes to minions,   
  
The cosmos ain't got nothin' to do with my selection.  
  
Shoulders picks, calls me whore, left arm licks,  
  
Only if they're for free.  
  
So your girlfriend hits your hardah,  
  
Typin' work stuff by the cartah,  
  
But your little Meryl ain't got a heart in any partah.  
  
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got guns, hun!  
  
Gung-Ho Guns: *hide guns*  
  
You can eat cheesecake and hot dogs,   
  
But please don't gain a gut.  
  
My brother wants to play that hard role,  
  
And tell you eatin's the way to go,  
  
So he'll make it, and leave it,  
  
And you'll pull up quick to retrieve it.  
  
Legato: I most certainly will not.  
  
So the gung-hoes say your fat,  
  
Well I ain't down with that!  
  
Cuz' your waist is small and your curves are kickin',  
  
And I'm thinkin' about stickin',  
  
My big beanpole up your-  
  
Legato: Make it stop, please! You don't want this thing!  
  
Give me some hard shit, I can't resist it,  
  
I sure did miss that hard hit.  
  
Some broom-head tried to dis',  
  
Cuz' crack ain't on his list.  
  
He had aim but he chose to kid 'em,  
  
And always willin' to forgive 'em.  
  
So minions if the drug is ground,  
  
And you want a triple death showdown,  
  
Dial 1-900-CRACKALOT,  
  
And live them nasty thoughts!  
  
Psychos on crack!  
  
*dances around*  
  
Psychos on crack!  
  
*passes out*  
  
Gung-Ho Guns: O.O  
  
Legato: *in fetal position* Make it…stop…  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: ^^;; There ya go. Knives…on crack. Didn't think it would happen, did ya?   
  
Rem: LOVE AND PEACE!!!  
  
…it was HER stash.  
  
Rem: *passes out*  
  
^^ There we go.  
  
Please review! (last update for a while!) 


	5. A Little Rum Goes a Long Way

A/N: *squeals like a schoolgirl* I'm so happy you guys liked it!  
  
…*looks around* Umm, don't mind me…  
  
ANNA: *gasp* Did you really? That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!  
  
Aoi Mochidzuki: Thanks, but I hope you didn't hurt yourself!  
  
Susomaru: Glad I could give it! (…oh, that sounded wrong…)  
  
Dew-Shan of Egypt: XD I'd like to see that!  
  
Hiei's Gurl 247: Ugh, don't choke! ^^  
  
wolfpack: *sweatdrop* Sorry about that, but I DID take your idea for this chapter, so maybe it'll be better. (and it's shorter!)  
  
kitsunedemon: Bwa haha! …*pets Legato* Yes, his mind snapped long ago…  
  
Miyosha: *blink* Was it really? …yay!  
  
Luna-Kitsune-Blu: O.O …oh my… *backs away slowly*   
  
Disclaimer: *whisper* I don't own Trigun. *scurries off*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*A Little Rum Goes a Long Way…*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was the night before the quick draw  
  
And with the help of some booze,  
  
Everyone was drunk off their asses,  
  
Which is really bad news.  
  
…really REALLY bad news.  
  
"Woooooooo!!" Millie swings her yellow overcoat in the air. "It's getting' hot in here--!"  
  
"So open da window!" Wolfwood laughs, watching as she discards the large article of clothing and goes to work on the next one.  
  
"Hmm," she tugs at her overall straps. "They're blocking my way to freedom!"  
  
He squints at her outfit. "Try those buttonses, big girl!"  
  
"Hehe," she pokes the metal ring. "BUTT!" She pokes it again. "AH!" She quickly withdraws her hand. "It bit me!"  
  
"Watch out!" Vash shouts from another room. "Those things are KILLER!"  
  
*gasp* "They are!?" She throws herself at the seated priest. "Help me Wolfy!" She sticks her finger in his face. "Am I gonna die!?"  
  
"No honey, it's not poisonous!" He frowns. "Waaait…wasn't it your other finger?"  
  
Her features take on a look of intense concentration. "I dunno…" She abruptly sticks her finger back in his face. "Kiss it and make it better!"  
  
"Okay!" He smiles brightly and leans forward, puckering up his lips. "Here I come!"  
  
…and there he goes.  
  
"Oof!" He falls face-first into his girlfriend's chest. "I fink I mished!"  
  
"Wooollffyyyy," she gives an exasperated sigh. "You want sandwiches AGAIN?"  
  
"Well it's no wonder," Meryl slurs, making her way over to the table. "You, my friend, are a very preeeetty girl."   
  
"Wooow," she awes. "Do ya really mean it Sempai?"  
  
"Of course I do Millie!" She looks thoughtful for an instant. "You know me, always lookin' for ways to make other people feel better…"  
  
"Wha?"  
  
Her head goes down with a resounding thud.  
  
"Oh my," she pokes the smaller woman. "Vaaaaash? Mr. Stampeded? I think Sempai had a little too much to drink and-"  
  
"REEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!" The said gunman flies into the room. "Oh Rem!" He glomps the passed out insurance girl. "I thought you were DEAD!"  
  
*cricket cricket*  
  
"…Rem?" He peeks out warily. "NOOO! NOT AGAIN!!" He lets go and dramatically falls to his knees. "WHHHYYYY!? WHY YOU!? YOU WERE SO NICE AND KIND AND-" He stops his wailing. "Heeey," he looks at her closely. "Did you shrink or somethin'?"  
  
He cautiously touches her head. "Whaddya do to your hair? And…" *gasp* "You don't have any boobs!"   
  
"Fat's not Rem neele-noggin," comes Wolfwood's muffled voice.  
  
"…not…Rem?" The blonde scratches his head, shrugging. "Oh well!" He skips over to the other side of the table.  
  
"Huh?" Wolfwood raises his head. "Now what're you doing?"  
  
The outlaw had gotten hold of a plastic flower, stuck it behind his ear, and was now grinning like an idiot.  
  
"…Vash?"  
  
^_________________^ "Hm?"  
  
"You need help."  
  
"Help?" He reaches for his gun. "Where!?"  
  
"Behind you!"  
  
"AH!" He tries to do a quick spin, but catches his foot on his coat and goes tumbling down instead.   
  
"…idiot." He goes back to his buried position.  
  
Millie takes no notice. "Mr. Vash?"  
  
"Hmm?!" He struggles to untangle himself.  
  
"I have a life-altering question to ask of you."  
  
"Eh?" What was this? Was Millie Thompson going to say something INTELLIGENT!?  
  
"Do you think I could cook a hamburger with that grill thingy on your chest?"  
  
"Eaugh!" He throws his arms in the air. "It's not a grill thingy! It's a…patch-to-keep-my-skin-together thingy!"  
  
"Oh!" She puts on a goofy smile. "That's just awful! How'd ya manage to do THAT?"  
  
"…IhadabadexperiencewithaThomas."  
  
Her eyes glaze over for a minute, trying to process the information. "…uh-huh…" A string of drool makes its way down her chin.  
  
"Uh, Millie, ya got a little somethin' there…"  
  
"Done!" She exclaims.  
  
He opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it suddenly.  
  
"Huh? What was that?"  
  
He falls over.  
  
"Oh, that's nice."  
  
He snores contentedly.  
  
"Mmm," she stretches a little. "That sounds kinda good." She yawns and sets her head on the table, smothering Wolfwood in the process.  
  
His eyes shoot open. "MMMF!"  
  
She puts on a kitty face.  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!"  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
A/N: Poor Wolfwood. No one could hear him scream… *snicker*  
  
^^ PLEASE REVIEW!!! ^^  
  
…*sweatdrop* And sorry if you didn't like it, but I'm kinda depressed right now… *cries*  
  
…of course, you could always review and make me feel better… *bawl*  
  
You'll do it if you really love me! *sniffle* Bye! 


	6. A Simple Formula

A/N: Woo-hoo! I updated! ::runs around in circles:: Happiness happiness AHH!!!

::pant pant::

Sorry, had to get that pent up hyperness out. ::stare:: Yay, reviews! You guys are the best!

Aoi Mochidzuki: I know, aren't they great? Now imagine the Gung-Ho Guns drunk...o.o;;

Blu: I blame the sugar, too. I do not have A.D.D.! ::chases butterfly::

Dark Wanderer: I'll save you from the giant green jelly bean! ::swoops down on rope crashes into computer:: Erm...::pats on head:: It'll be alright! Oh, and what's the 'Safty Dance'? -.- Sorry, I haven't heard of it before, but if you could describe it to me or give me the lyrics or somethin', I'd be happy to put it in there!

doomsdaybringer: ::gasp:: You just squeed! ::covers ears:: NOOOOOO!!! ; Eh-heh. Glad you liked it!

fpg: ::laughs at you::

geranium: Alright, alright.

Hiei's Gurl 247: O.O Oh my. I seem to have that effect on a lot of people. XD Hope you didn't hurt your bum!

Kawaiibabe14: o.o ::puts hand on keyboard:: That's not good for your health...and thanks for the ideas. I shall think upon them. ::nod::

kitsunedemon: Lovely definition. Now explain to me why there are two suns on Gunsmoke and I'll give ya a cookie.

Moon Dragoness273: I have continued! Rejoice!

Padfoot's Pup: Why thank ye.

Pudding333: I know, isn't Knives crazy?! ::twitch:: And behold...I've cheered up! It's all thanks to your wonderful reviews. Feel the love.

Strangelittlegirl1: Be glad again, for here is another update!

wolfpack: Hehe NYA! I agree! XD Hope you love this one just as much!

Thanks a lot people! ::glompage:: I lurve yooouuuu!

Disclaimer: Stillll don't own Trigun. ::hugs plushies:: One day, one day, one day...

NOTE: All that crap was written a while ago, because that's when I first planned to make another chapter of this. A while ago. ::sweatdrop:: Go me and my horrid procrastination...::is now in a sour mood::

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::A Simple Formula::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Like so many other times with the Gung-Ho Guns, it's a boring day in the crashed SEEDS ship they call home. Let's take a look at what they're doing, shall we?

::outside view of SEEDS ship:: ...erm, what is he DOING?

::zooms in on Legato, who's on a rather tall ladder scrubbing furiously at the letters:: I see you've...planted some lovely flowers in the front garden as well...

He waves his hand dismissively, muttering curses under his breath. Poor Legato. At least he hasn't been reduced to wearing an apron yet...::shrug:: Let's continue.

::enter the SEEDS ship:: Whoa, kinda creepy in here. Aren't they supposed to have nice carpet and stuff? Hmm... uh-oh. What's that noise?:: goes down the hall and pauses at a door:: Let's listen...

::muffled laughter:: Good idea! shriek ORGY TIIIME!!

What?! What the hell are they doing in there!? ::whips open door:: ....oh.

Caine the Longshot is sitting in the corner with a dictionary in his hand, looking up the word "orgy". Half the Gung-Ho Guns are rolling on the floor laughing up a storm while the rest are piled up on the bed, a blanket sloppily thrown on top of them.

Um...why don't any of you have shoes on?

Caine casually walks over and points to the definition of orgy. It reads: "Two or more people under the covers with nothing on their feet." ...well, that explains a lot.

They begin climbing off of each other, someone yelling once in a while about being poked by someone else's spikes or whatnot. Pretty soon there's a mass of giggling assassins on the floor. ...idiots.

Alright, alright, listen up people.

"Demons!"

...demons. Knives cordially requests your presence at the auditorium for...entertainment purposes.

They all gasp, not one of them picking up on the sinister tone at the end of the statement. Like an exodus of cattle from a ranch to...somewhere other than the ranch...the Gung-Ho-Guns ran, rolled, and teleported their way over to the only room on the SEEDS ship with a stage.

Now here's a simple formula. KNIVES STAGEBAD. Everybody write it down? Good.

The psychotic plant waves enthusiastically to the camera and practically skips over to the equally psychotic assassins. He opens his mouth, making everyone subconsciously lean forward. What was he going to announce? A massacre for all to see? A nice story of slaughter and mayhem? A demonstration of his unfathomable power, perhaps?

Nope. He opened his mouth, and like a gay clothes designer began to pick apart each and every one of their outfits. The shell was too large, the shoulder spikes too tacky, the eye patch...well, he wasn't even going _there_. Tch.

His servants' spirits crack a little more than they previously had through all the years of training pains and senseless beatings as they listen to him point out clashing colors and horrendous hair styles. Flip, flip was what the needed. And pinash. Whatever the Hell that meant.

What had become of their beloved dark lord? He was already passing out roles by the time the first one of them recovered and politely suggested he was on crack. But no, that notion was just plain "silly", the idea shot down before you could say "what the fu-"

And _since_ it was thrown out before you could finish that oh-so-lovely word, we're not going there.

::ahem::

"Why?! Why are there so many lines?!"

"How do you pronounce this...?"

"_Where_fore? Why is she asking where he is when he's clearly standing right over there?"

"It means 'why', doofus."

"Keh! Sorry I don't speak freaky-deaky Shakespearian..."

That's right. The entertainment for the night would be the Gung-Ho Gun's rendition of "Romeo and Juliet", directed and re-produced by the infamous Millions Knives himself. ::waves flag:: Hooray.

The actors were to be dressed according to their roles. Or at least, that was the plan. For one, Dominique was refusing to put on a dress (that was obviously too small for her), everyone was pretty much dissatisfied with their characters, and the men were likewise refusing to wear what Knives was calling "codpieces". Need I go into detail about what codpieces do to the male crotch?

I didn't think so.

Someone screamed as they singed themselves on one of the many floor lights. A couple snickered, remembered their situation, and went back to sulking. Knives tapped his foot on the floor impatiently and waited for everyone to take their places. "Don't make me take out my angel arm," he threatened slowly.

Their was mass rushing on the stage for a moment before everyone settled down and they were ready to begin.

From the left of the stage the large robot known as Grey the Nine Lives saunters into view, wearing as much spandex as they could afford to give him on his numerous mechanical parts. He looks behind him to make sure the now shell-less E.G. Mine had followed, and begins to read his lines in a monotonous, computer-fabricated voice:

"Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals." bleep

E.G. shivers in his costume, feeling naked without his darling spiked shell. He looks down at the script for assistance and replies:

"No, for then we should be colliers."

A blue-covered head pops out from the right of the stage, the dressed body hidden. "The cast was wondering what 'collier' meant, Master."

Knives frowns at his servants' incompetence. He told them to save questions for the end! "I don't know," he shrugs blatantly. "Someone working with coal!"

"Ah, many thanks, Master." The head is withdrawn.

"Rrr..." The Plant rubs his forehead in agitation. He waves his hands towards the stage to signal continuation.

Grey nods his whole body to make up for no neck and proceeds on. "I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw."

The blue head once again emerges from behind the curtain. "Forgive us, Master, but the cast was just curious about the definition of 'choler'."

Knives brings up the thick playwright in his hand and smacks it repeatedly against his forehead. Those..stupid..stupidheads!! He stands up in a huff. "What is so hard about this script?!" He throws the papers towards the stage. "Just read the lines like I told you! GRAR!!"

The Gung-Ho Guns hesitatingly come into view, all dressed in costume and clutching their scripts, after a minute or so of hearing their Master rampage amongst the empty audience. They look at each other for guidance.

"Maybe we should comfort him..."

"He'll kill us, man!"

A chair flies over their heads.

"...I think he needs consolation."

"Y-yeah."

They inch over to the raging super-being and slowly surround him in a great hug. He stops uprooting the next set of furniture and sniffs a little. He couldn't resist The Hug.

He pushes them all away after a minute and wipes a tear from his eye. "I overreacted. I'm sorry."

They gasp in unison.

He realizes what just came out of his mouth and grows red. "I mean-!" He points at his right-hand man imposingly. "You shall all receive beatings for this, this hanus act!"

Someone wails. "We're all gonna die!!"

"WAAAAHHHHH!!"

There's a thud as a body hits the floor.

"Ow..."

"Wait," Legato calmly interjects. "Who's going to issue these beatings?"

The assassins all stare, waiting for a reply.

"...no one," Knives sighs. No one was better at torture than his Gun-Guns.

"Very well," Legato uprights himself. "I'm off to my chambers."

Everyone grumbles in agreement and head for the door. Everyone except for Leonoff, that is. Traitor!

"Master..." he kneels before the depressed Plant. "I could have my children play this out, if you so wish."

The Gung-Ho-Guns freeze by the doorway.

Knives blinks and an insane but happy smile spreads across his features. "Yes, go! Right away!"

The Puppet Master bows a little more and retrieves his suitcase shortly, the murderous bunch near the door directing their murderous glares at him.

In the end, the Gung-Ho Guns were forced to endure Knive's asinine production, though he was quite thrilled about it. Leonoff's children played their parts well, and when it was all over, he passed out from the mental exertion. And got a good kicking by his comrades as they filed out of the auditorium and into their respective rooms, where screams and sobs of mortification could be heard throughout the night.

:::::::::::FIN::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A/N: Gods, this wasn't even funny. Ah, well, I felt the need to make another chapter, and make another chapter I did.

Oh yes, the orgy definition thing...I heard of that definition a while ago, so please don't look it up in a dictionary. -.- It will not give you the same meaning.

Well, leave a review if you wanna make me happy and possibly encourage me to make more chapters that weren't just pulled out of my ass in the future. ::wave::


End file.
